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Relationships are multifaceted. There are emotions, logistics (how will we make this work?), communication, trust, respect, conflicts—you get the idea. And then there’s sex.
What is the importance of sex in relationships? Can they thrive without sex, and is sexual compatibility a must-have? Delve into sex and relationship dynamics, and learn helpful tips for keeping this aspect of your relationship alive.
While sex is, of course, a physical experience, it can also be an emotional one, too.
The “love hormone” (official name: oxytocin) is released in many scenarios, like hugging someone, cuddling, and giving birth, producing positive feelings that promote bonding. But it’s also released during sex, making intercourse a wonderful way to increase the emotional bond between partners, helping them feel more attached to and content with each other (whether they’re aware of it at the time or not!).
Sexual and emotional intimacy are, at their cores, separate experiences. Individuals often don’t require emotional intimacy to have sex or require sex to become emotionally attached; in other words, you don’t need one to have the other. However, these two types of intimacy can become entwined with and build on each other over time through three key ingredients: trust, communication, and vulnerability. When these components are present, there are more opportunities to develop deeper intimacy, both sexually and emotionally.
Sexual needs differ from person to person; after all, everyone is unique in the level of sexual activity they need, what kinds of physical intimacy in relationships that they like or dislike, the amount of emotional intimacy needed (if any) to have sex, and their overall levels of desire. But on a larger scale, there are some psychological and biological factors that may be at play.
There are plenty of sex myths that are being debunked: men’s vs. women’s sex drives included. Research shows that men and women aren’t dissimilar in their levels of sexual desire. It could just be that different biological, psychological, or environmental factors are at play that affect how often people desire sex, not necessarily their overall sexual desire.
For example, sex drives tend to fluctuate more over time with women, likely due to hormonal changes during the menstrual cycle. Similarly, women are more likely than men to be affected by stress or tiredness in their sex lives. Other studies reflect that the link between emotional connection and sex is stronger with women than it is with men.
So, what does all of this mean? There are several factors at play in the realm of sexual desire—and these factors shouldn’t be generalized for men or women. While there are some inherent differences, every person is unique in how often they desire sex and how intense their sexual motivations are.
As with so many aspects of relationships, communication in and out of the bedroom is crucial. Instead of making assumptions about your partner’s sex drive, simply ask what they need. Having different levels of sexual desire is completely normal in any relationship, but it’s important to get on the same page as your partner to ensure that both of your needs are being met.
Does sex make people in romantic relationships happier? Short answer—yes! Here’s how relationship satisfaction and sex are connected.
Sexual intimacy can improve an individual’s and a couple’s happiness. Studies show that there is a positive link between the frequency of sex and overall happiness and that physical touch and affection are important in relationships for the overall well-being of both partners.
But beyond the simple act of sex in a relationship, it’s also important for both people to have sexual compatibility. What exactly does being sexually compatible mean? Survey results from a 2020 study note several indicators of sexual compatibility, including sexual talk, a focus on the female orgasm, humor, mutual understanding, and consideration of one another. Sexual compatibility between partners varies from couple to couple, but aligning on the frequency of sex, ensuring that each other’s sexual needs are met, and accommodating desires equally are all indicators of compatibility.
Remember the love hormone we talked about? Well, oxytocin and endorphins are released during sex, both of which can make you feel good, feel more emotionally connected, and overall reduce your stress and anxiety levels. In fact, sex can have many of the same benefits that regular exercise has, like lowering levels of adrenaline and cortisol to elevate your mood—sometimes long after sex is over.
Romantic relationships can survive without sex; in fact, some couples may choose to abstain, initiate sex less frequently, or have an open relationship. Furthermore, there are ebbs and flows of the frequency of sexual intimacy in relationships because, well, that’s just life. Every partnership is different, and what’s considered “normal” depends on the couple.
But when one partner is unsatisfied with their sex life or feels that their needs aren’t being met, then issues can arise in the relationship.
Sexual dissatisfaction can lead to:
When one or both partners feel dissatisfied with their sex life, it’s helpful to first look inward. Pinpoint what you’re feeling and why. Is it the frequency of sex that’s bothering you? Are you not being satisfied during sex itself? Or perhaps you haven’t had sex in a long time. Whatever the reason, identify your feelings and needs, then communicate those to your partner.
Having honest and open communication about sex is so important to ensure that needs are being met. If you find that there is still a disconnect or misunderstanding, consulting a therapist can help you find a path forward to relationship happiness.
After the excitement of a new romance—and new sex life—wears off, sexual health in relationships can diminish over time for many reasons, like getting into routines, having children, working long hours, and more. But there are some simple ways to keep this aspect of relationships satisfying for both partners.
Keeping the love flame alive throughout the course of any long-term relationship might not be easy, but it is possible with some simple strategies.
Maintaining sexual health in relationships relies largely on communication, but openness and the willingness to try new things also play important roles. For one, being open to each other’s needs means that you’re listening with an intention to act—whether doing something differently or leaning into something that’s working.
Experimentation can make sex more intriguing, passionate, and exciting—all things that can get your sex life out of its routine and keep the romantic spark alive.
Sex is an important part of so many couples’ relationships, so learning how to have open and honest conversations is crucial for keeping both partners happy.
Have more fruitful conversations about sex with these tips:
Along with having ongoing honest conversations about your sex life, it’s important to feel safe addressing issues in the moment. Don’t be afraid to speak up with small suggestions during sex (e.g., “I like that” or “Could you try something different?”) or when a boundary is being pushed.
But sometimes boundaries are more overarching, such as preferred times of day to have sex, frequency, and so on. This is where having productive conversations (using the tips above) will come in handy—you’ll be able to check in with each other, express concerns and feelings, and align on solutions that work for both of you.
Physical and sexual compatibility are important aspects of many relationships, but they are not the sole determinants of long-term success. At Tawkify, we prioritize the deeper connections that build lasting partnerships—such as shared values, emotional compatibility, and clear communication. We encourage our clients to approach these personal aspects of relationships with openness and understanding, fostering a sense of mutual respect and trust.
By focusing on compatibility beyond the physical, we help our clients find meaningful, lasting relationships.
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